Jessica the Bessica

Monday morning Holiness

2011-05-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

It's Monday morning and I am listening to a worship album that I love. I dont really feel worshipful, but I a
going to listen to it anyway. I am working and not really paying to much attention to the songs until the singer sings "I want to be Holy" it's Monday morning and I don't want to be Holy. I want to be in bed, I had a really rough night. I want to be well, I want to be right, but I Holy, well that sounds like a lot of work. Colossions 3:12 -13 says Therefore as Gods Chosen people, Holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another... Okay, I told you being Holy on Monday morning is hard. Verse 15 says Let the peace of Jesus rule in your hearts, since you were called to peace. And be thankful. So that's where I'm starting. I'm going to LET the peace of Jesus fall on me and I am going to be thankful that his peace is available to me on
Monday morning! I trust that if I allow the peace of Jesus to dwell in me I will then grow to desire to be Holy. Friends, we have to start somewhere.

Waiting

2011-05-04T06:37:00.000-07:00

We spend a lot of time waiting. I don't think most people are good at waiting. We have all had a tantrum while waiting for customer service on the phone, or the few extra minutes in the drive through line. Waiting is hard for us. Waiting for God is not any easier. It never has been. When God used Moses to free the Israelites, we know they we very inpatient
God had provide food, water and protection for the Isrealites. Moses went up to Mt. Sinai to meet with God. The Israelites hated waiting for Moses so they burned all their gold and made a golden calf to worship. Of course we know that a piece of metal can not bring freedom and hope. I think the Israelites knew that too. But the need for NOW trumped salvation. Not much has changed in the human condition. We have replaced God with politics. We expect the government to bring freedom and hope. We have replaced God with money, we expect money to bring freedom and hope. Deep down we know they aren't the answer, but waiting is hard. Waiting sucks! God will give direction. He gives direction.
Philippians 3:15-21
15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
17 Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Paul tells us our citizenship is in heaven, and we await for the Savior from there. It's hard. My favorite part of this writing is in verse 15 where Paul says if you think differently, God will make it clear to you. And he will!

Lent thoughts

2011-03-10T09:40:00.000-08:00

I found Jesus through the late singer Keith Green. I was 5 years old when my parents started following Jesus. They were rock and rollers and so at the the time the replacement to rock and roll was Keith Green. We listened to a lot of Keith Green. I have this amazing memory of picking up a teenager boy on our way to church every Sunday morning, he was a rock and roll drummer so I thought he was so cool. We would listen to Keith Green and all loudly sing along. The passion Keith sang with, I remember thinking is the way everyone should feel about Jesus. Keith sang with a sense of urgency and aching, and it resided in me, even as a child.
My dad was working in Lima, Ohio and we had gone there for the summer to be with him. We stayed at Holiday Inn and it had a pool. My brother and I spent most of our days swimming, We were getting ready for bed and my parents and my brother and I were watching the evening news laying in our beds and they announced Keith Green died in a plane crash. I imagined after the way I felt that day was the way the disciples felt when Jesus died. I was only 6, but I remember that day more clear than yesterday.
I found it hard to believe
Someone like you cared for me
You put this love in my heart
I tried but could not refuse
You gave me no time to choose
You put this love in my heart
Not often does someone come around who moves your soul. I was blessed to have this happen at such a young age. For years I sang along with Keith and I would imitate his passion and then one day his passion for Jesus became my passion. Today is the second day of lent, and I was trying to find something inspirational to pray, and my mind went right to Keith. My lent prayer today is to be willing to live life full of conviction and passion for Jesus Christ. You put this love in my heart and I am thankful, I prayer for strength to live it out.

His Grace is...

2011-02-08T18:45:00.000-08:00

I went to church this Sunday. I haven't been to church since Halloween. It's really hard for me to get moving in the morning, it's the time when my headaches are the worse. So I haven't been to a church service in months. It's been hard. I miss worshipping with my community. I made myself go this week because it was Royal Oak Vineyard's 10th anniversary and there was going to be testimonies of the impact the community and God has made in people's lives. I am a sucker for testimonies. The church I grew up in had a second service on Sunday evenings and after a time of worship, people would give what we called "Praise Reports". This was my favorite part about church growing up. In Sunday school they would tell amazing stories of miracles and the mighty ways God moved, but I didn't know those people, I knew the people who stood up on Sunday evening who said that they were sick and now healed or that there son came home after being gone for years. I knew those people and I knew God was alive. So I love testimonies, and I wish we stood up and gave them more often. This week hearing how God has worked so amazingly in others lives had impact on me, let me explain.

After the testimonies the worship band sang a song called "Your grace is enough". I couldn't sing along. For months I have felt that his grace isn't enough. I have had a headache everyday for 21 months. Some days the pain is so intense that I can't function, think or keep my eyes open. These days are more than not. I have been desperate, so yes I feel like his grace isn't enough.

Here's the thing, I heard these amazing testimonies and I was filled with joy for these people that I love to hear how God has set them free or is moving in there lives. I was reminded that I serve a God who is alive. I still feel like I need God to intervene in my situation, I still feel like his grace isn't enough in this moment, but here is something I was reminded of, he is faithful and his grace will be enough.

So if God does something small, medium or large in your life, please don't keep it a secret. We need to hear these "Praise Reports"!

Living honestly

2011-01-22T21:04:00.001-08:00

I promised God that as I walked on this new challenging journey, I would not frost everything over with "I am
Good". I promised to be honest. That sounds like something I should already be doing, right? I should be saying right, yes I live honestly and openly. But it's not true. When people ask how I am, no matter what, I usually answer "I'm good". Close friends ask and I say, "I'm good". People are comfortable with good, they are not so comfortable with "well I'm in excruciating daily pain, I don't sleep and I'm depressed. But I promised God that I wouldn't hide behind being comfortable and allowing others to be comfortable. And we all know God does not mind that we are not comfortable.
Which reminds me of a church billboard I saw a few weeks ago. It said "This year, try Jesus."
I read that like it was an advertisement in front of Macy's, this year try DNKY jeans.
Jesus isn't something you "try". If he were a pair of Jeans he would be a size too small and you would feel the instant need to go on a diet and purge things you love out of your life, or he would be two sizes too big, and you would instantly see that you are way too small too fill these pants. So after you "try" on Jesus you would then put him back on the rack for the pretty people.
I promised to be honest, I hate it most of the time. Most of the time I would rather just smile and not let you know that I'm a mess. I would rather not watch you try to fix my mess. But I'm wearing the tight jeans and I'm letting all of junk overflow out of them and I am learning to smile and grin as people look at me with that face of " oh poor girl"
And I'm sure Jesus is smiling.

My Friend Jeremiah

2010-11-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

I have amazing friends and and an amazing family. Both love me so well. I am truly blessed. I know that each of my friends and my family members would do whatever they could to take away my pain. They feel helpless and it's hard to talk to them because I do not have a lot of hope to offer. I have made a good friend though, who understands what I am going through. He says things and it's like he's talking about my life. The great thing is he is much older than me and has already walked through this. He offers pure wisdom. My good friend happened to be alive in 7BC, but that doesn't change our relationship. Honestly, if it weren't for the prophet Jeremiah, I would be hopeless and beyond sad.
But there is Jeremiah. I wish we could talk, but instead I get to read his writings and read about him. He was born to a priestly family and had a good childhood until the Lord called him to be a prophet. Jeremiah argued that this was a bad idea because he was young and could not speak correctly. The Lord promised to provide the words. Jeremiah was called to warn the people of Israel and Judah to stop worshipping idols and to return to God. God had made a covenant with the people of Israel and Judah and they had broken it. Jeremiah's fun job was to tell them that they would experience the wrath of God. You can imagine that went over well. He was tortured, imprisoned, laughed at, and shamed and yet he held by his truth even as he suffered for the Lord.
The thing that connects Jeremiah and me is there was this time that he didn't hear from God, and he had to continue being harrassed and threatened with his life and God was quiet. Jeremeiah was desperate. He let his feelings known.
Lamentations 3

1 [a]I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of the LORD’s wrath.
2 He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;
3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.

4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones.
5 He has besieged me and surrounded me
with bitterness and hardship.
6 He has made me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
he has weighed me down with chains.
8 Even when I call out or cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer.
9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
he has made my paths crooked.

10 Like a bear lying in wait,
like a lion in hiding,
11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me
and left me without help.
12 He drew his bow
and made me the target for his arrows.

13 He pierced my heart
with arrows from his quiver.
14 I became the laughingstock of all my people;
they mock me in song all day long.
15 He has filled me with bitter herbs
and given me gall to drink.

16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.
17 I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.
18 So I say, “My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”

My heart aches after every single word. I am living this in every modern way possible. Where I want to end my cry to the Lord here, Jeremiah, somehow sees hope.

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

He is new every morning, and I am holding on to that so tightly.

Oh Jeremiah, you are one of my closest friends and you don't even know me, but you do know me and that is why I am so drawn to you.
Jeremiah chose to follow God when he could not see or hear or even know God was listening to him. He chose to be faithful when God was choosing not to save him from his darkness. God has chosen not to save me from my darkness, and yet I know he is faithful and there is more to this story.
Jeremiah, I thank you for be obedient, grumpy at times, angry and bitter at times, but most important obedient. You are relatable and you are my saving grace.

Pain continued

2010-10-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

My pain has been bad this last week. I haven't been able to work, and have visited my doctor twice and the ER once. I still have an impossible headache. It's hard to know what to think when no one can help you. I know that feeling helpless is a horrible feeling, and that is how my parents, friends, and doctors feel right now. Everyone wants there to be a way out, including myself. After 19 months of searching for a way out, I have started to think about what life means if there is no way out. If this headache and all that it does to me is part of my life. I can't wrap my head around it. I can't possibly understand what that look likes. It feels hard enough to get through the day when my head is throbbing and my eyes are blurry and all I can think of is pain.
I want to look to Jesus in those moments, I really do, but to be honest I can't look anywhere. I can close my eyes and wait it out. I can't think about healing power, or amazing grace, or how he saves the wretch like me. I can't think. That is my pain. And in the moments when I can think, I get angry that I am in the middle of this, that this is my life. I know some people have it worse than me, and they are probably angry too. I'm angry and in pain.
I know some people have a hard time with me having these feelings. It makes them uncomfortable, they want me to be okay with this, they want me to have hope. I know it's uncomfortable to watch someone in pain, and not feel like you can do anything for them, and then to see them angry, it makes it so real. I've been there, the person watching, the person feeling helpless. I've started admitting to my anger, with God and the people around me. It's hard. One thing I do know is my pain and anger is not too much for God, he can handle it and that makes me feel safe.

A Conversation on pain and depression

2010-10-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

I've had a headache everyday for the last 18 months. The level of headache varies, but it's always there. I have tried everything that I know how to do to stop the pain, or at least control it. No luck. It's been a hard journey and I am still on it. I am feeling emotions that I have never felt, at least not to this extent. I have never been this angry. It's weird but growing up I don't really remember ever really being angry. I must of been really good at repressing it, or maybe I just never got angry. But now, I am ticked off. I am also depressed: which is feeling really sad, alone and distant from everything and everyone. It's so weird that when you're depressed, you feel alone, but you also isolate yourself from others. For me, I feel like what I am going through is a downer and no one wants to hear about my daily headache, severe arthritis, loss of vision, and depression. People want to hear about happy things, like marriages, and expectant parents, and funny things toddlers do, and cute puppy stories. Right? I also feel that no one understands. Man do I sound like a teenager, but seriously, how many people have daily pain in their brain, literally? It changes how you think, react, act, well it changes a lot of things.

I do think there are a lot of people if pain, a lot of people who feel depressed. They feel alone, sad and angry. But I know that not too many of them are talking about it. We live in a culture where if you are in pain, you do everything in your power not to feel it. Good things and bad. I know, I've been there, am there. I mean I've given up grains, sugar and dairy. hoping to feel better. I have let people put needles in me, lots of needles in me. I give myself shots for pain. I watch a lot of DVD's of Felicity. All of this to escape myself. What a horrible feeling, to try to escape yourself. Who would be proud of that?

So people don't talk about it. And when you do talk about it you make people feel uncomfortable. They don't have any clue what to say, or how to help, so they feel helpless and uncomfortable. Here is the honest truth from someone walking through it. We isolate ourselves because we feel guilty that we make others feel uncomfortable and helpless. We do not want our pain to be your pain, If you are a follower of Christ then you are right now thinking that when you are week, we are here to lift you up. We want to come around you and support you in this. And you do want to do that, but truthfully you don't know how. You can't know how because we aren't talking about. I don't even go to church anymore. I haven't gone in months. I have many reasons, but being depressed is like having leprosy. It can be shameful, that;s why people don't have blogs about being in the dumps, you know like this one.

I believe that if we all started getting honest with one another and allowing that honesty to be what it is and not to judge, but just to let it be, then maybe we can start having meaningful conversations. Honestly I don't want to hear about your fantasy football team, or your coolest app, I want to know what you are feeling and how, honestly how we can help one another. And I want the supportive people to be honest and say how and how they can not support us people in pain. There does not need to be shame, just love and acceptance for one another in the places they are at;

I will start, I kind of already have. This post may have some spelling errors and weird sentences because I am on a medication to relax me. I am in pain, lots of it and feel abandoned by God. I feel angry that I have not been healed and that the Lord has not given me any direction in what this walk is all about. I get angry when people complain about their jobs, when they have really good jobs except they have to drive 30 minutes to get there. That makes me angry and then I feel guilty about being angry. Im depressed and I see a counselor, someone to help me walk through it. I will not allow my depression or my pain to ruin my life. I hope I wont let it ruin my life. So there it is people. Let's start talking about this.

Speckled Space

2010-07-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Eyes o p e n

speckled space

eyes closed

speckled space

It begins to shape you
It turns and spins your core
Captured in anatomy’s hate
Soaked with the fear of knowledge
Shadows of hope

floating hallow

Knowing that this may be a part of you and become you and live in you and
LeaveNOspace

A poem

2010-04-06T06:56:00.000-07:00

April is poetry month. So I will share a poem.

A Good Word

Dreaming of long strolls
park benches
sounds that bring about emotion
any emotion
even if I can't romanticize anymore
I can feel
sorrow
friends who leave
loves who can't be loved
hope
tomorrow must come
maybes sometimes become yes
a good word
yes

Blueberry granola

2010-04-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

I made this granola last week and it was delicious! I doubled the recipe. I took this recipe from Everyday food and added the walnuts and cinnamon. Give it a try and tell me what you think.
Ingredients

Makes 4 cups
2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons honey
1 cup dried blueberries
Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. On a large rimmed baking sheet, toss oats, coconut, and almonds. In a small bowl, stir together oil and honey. Pour over oat mixture and toss. Bake, tossing occasionally, until lightly toasted, 16 to 20 minutes.
Place mixture in a large bowl and stir in blueberries. (To store, keep in an airtight container, up to 1 month.)

Name it...

2010-03-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

2 weeks ago I went to this headache institute in Ann Arbor and after a year of seeing all kinds of doctors in the Detroit area, they were able to diagnose my headaches. To finally have a name for what's wrong with me has been so comforting. I know it may sound silly, but not knowing what is wrong, just knowing something is terrible not right is a horrible feeling. Once you name something you can than search for the cure, the answer to the problem. I am naming things, good and bad in my life right now - loved, loving, caring, inpatient, honest, emotional, afraid, peaceful. Those are just a some of the names of characteristics living in me. An I feel comforted in knowing that all the things that aren't right have cures. Naming it, it's the first step in healing.

Happy kids

2010-03-25T18:21:00.001-07:00

Happy kids, originally uploaded by jimrenaud.

They don't come cuter than this!

Reveal

2010-03-25T13:20:00.001-07:00

Well I haven't blogged for sometime, and honestly I thought I was done blogging, but I keep having dreams of myself blogging and they are good dreams, so here I am blogging.
The last year has been a hard one. I've had a migraine level headache everyday since mid April 2009. The good news is I have found help and I am beginning to feel better.
I have learned a lot this year. First of all I am not as strong as I would hope, but stronger than I would have guessed. My attitude has changed towards God. I thought I was much further on trusting God than I really am. Oh and as you can see I don't mind being completely honest. I have learned that is the only way to get anywhere positive.
I also know that I can't change my own heart, so instead of working on something I can't fix I pray everyday that God will change my heart, and he is.
I have also moved out of my parent's house and am now living with two amazing women of God who are teaching me everyday what obedience and trust in God looks like. I can't say that I don't miss living with my parents, I did get used to be spoiled, and it is a nice thing. Parents don't ever worry about spoiling your kids with love too much!
So I think I have some good things to say and here is where you will find them.

Replacement

2009-01-13T19:17:00.000-08:00

Well I have replaced blogging with knitting. I tried to knit 4 years ago and failed horribly. The problem is that as a left handed person I couldn't find a book or a person to show me well. Now I must say, thanks to You Tube I have learned to knit. Seriously. I am working on my 3rd scarf. I would like to be done with scarves, but the request keep coming in. My brother requested a pair of cashmere boxers, so that might be fun to try. No, no it won't. Anyway, I haven't given up on blogging all together, even if it is so 2004. So hopefully I will be able to balance my life more and share it on my blog.
To be continued.... when the scarf is done.....

My Loves!

2009-01-09T22:18:00.001-08:00

Bat Dog

2008-11-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

My dog Henry.
This makes me laugh every time I see it.

Random thoughts on current politics

2008-10-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

Oh I am so obsessed with politics right now, well I guess I am always obsessed with politics but this is the rare time where I get to make a choice. I keep an eye on politics all of the time and not just during election season. I think that helps create my choice. I know that during election season things get hyped and turned around and 1/2 of what you hear isn't true.

I do know that this current administration has helped to ruin lives of people who are near me and has also had it's horrible affects on my family as well. I may feel it more since I live in Michigan. I do know that I don't agree with much of what W does, maybe 2% which is a lot less than McCain, so I won't be voting for him.

I think it's interesting that 100% of McCain's current commericals are negative, and mostly attack Obama's character, where Obama's commericals are 33% negative and attack issues. I mean if we are going to attack character, I certainly wouldn't choose a man who cheated habitually on his handicapped wife and left her for a rich beauty queen and also was involved in one of the largest politcal scandals of the last 30 years. I am just sayin.

I think it's interesting that people keep saying that Republicans are against big government, yet McCain proposes more taxes than Obama. Also how is it big government means, don't touch my money but it's okay to make moral judgements. I certainly know I don't want politicians in Washington telling me what is morally right, or is good for my family.

Anyway those are just a few of my thoughts as of this moment. I could go on and on and on.

Obedience

2008-10-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been insanely busy for me. September 21st was the Detroit AIDS Walk. I have poored my heart into this event, into the people that participate, into that people it effects. As a Christian I sometimes get so upset that we (as a group) judge way too much and love way too little. I feel that the gay community feels this quite a bit from the Christian community. Jesus loves them and so do I. This years AIDS Walk was amazing. It's been 5 years of Royal Oak Vineyard Church, being obedient and being involved. It hasn't always been easy but God did use us this year and it was so wonderful. We served hotdogs to over 500 people and had a rocking band and people stopped to eat and dance.
The next weekend following was the The Cause conference, which is a regional church planting conference for the Vineyard churches. Our church hosted and put on the conference. I lead the hospitality. And like me, I went beyond what I should have and wore myself out. I think it was a good conference from the moments I did get to see.
This week I have been so tired. I can't wait for Saturday. I am not doing anything, and I don't plan too. I can't wait.

That we may be SAVED!

2008-08-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Restore us, LORD God Almighty;
make your face shine on us,
that we may be saved.
Psalms 80:17

This is my new favorite bible verse. I think I pray it like 50 times a day, and that's only a slight exageration. When I pray this I can visualize the Lord shining down his beautiful light of truth and freedom on me and saving me. He sets us free from bondage and sin and that is restoration! I love this verse, did I mention that yet? I love God better.
The other day the Lord told me to draw this verse. Excuse me what? I don't draw, I can barely color in the lines. But I did it, and it was amazing. Not the drawing, not at all, but the experience. It was like I was experiencing his light shining in a whole new way. Visual stuff is good for people like myself. Sometimes being obedient to silly things often are the most amazing moments. He restores, and he saves! He does, just ask. And if your not in a place where you can pray this for yourself, ask me, cause I will pray this for you!!!!

Canadian mermaid

2008-08-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

If mermaids were real, I would be one. Seriously.
This weekend I went to Oliphant, Ontario which if you don't know your Canadian geography, and even if you do know your Canadian geography you probably still don't know where Oliphant is. It is in the south portion of the Bruce Penninsula and is on the coast line of Lake Huron. I went with four of my dear girl friends and we stayed at my friend Allie's family cottage. The cottage was beautiful and relaxing and I had a wonderful time hanging out with the girls, shopping, playing silly games, eating good food, and giggling a lot. My favorite part of the weekend though was swimming in lake Huron with Allie and Christina. The water was so clean and warm. And for some reason I feel so free and most like myself when I am in water. One reason is, I don't have much physical pain when I am in water. Also it is so refreshing and relaxing. If my body would let me, I think I could live the majority of my life in water. I would be a real good mermaid. Really.

Piña colada Trifle

2008-08-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have come up with a really easy, no bake, yummy summer dessert that I expect you all to try and report back to me on. Sorry that I don't have any pictures. I will take pictures the next time I make it, promise.

1 Sara Lee or Entemans pound cake or you can use about 20 lady fingers
some rum ( I say some because we all have different levels, I like a lot, about a cup)
1 large packet of vanilla instant pudding
3 cups of whole milk
2 cups of sweetened shreaded cocunut
1 can crushed pineapple
1 large container of cool whip

Poke holes in your cake with a toothpick and drizzle at least 2 shots of rum on the cake, and I like to add a little rum to the pudding, if you are using lady fingers dip the cookies in the rum in a pie dish.
Make the vanilla pudding with the 3 cups of milk and rum (optional) and mix in 1 1/2 cups of cocunt.
Layer the trifle with cake, pudding, pineapple, cool whip in that order, about 3 layers.
Toast the remaider 1/2 cup of cocunut and top trifle. You can also put some marcino cherries on top as well. Told you it was easy.
Oh and it doesn't matter what kind of rum you use, I use light or pineapple rum.

Tanks

2008-07-26T06:24:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted in a while. The main reason is because I have started a new job and when I get home I don't really spend a lot of time on the computer. It's summer baby, lots to do.
I first want to say that I feel really blessed and very thankful to the Lord. I feel like things are finally starting to make sense. It's a good thing. I am also thankful to my Dad and his friend Sue who worked really hard to get me this job. And the good news is I like the job, a lot. I feel productive and it's nice not having people yell at me all day. I am working at General Dynamics, they are a defense contractor for the government. I work for the Land Systems part of the company, we make tanks. I don't personally make the tanks, but without me the tanks wouldn't get made. Well without someone doing my job. I am not a big fan of war, so this was an interesting job for me to take, but I do believe in defense and know that what I do and the choices the government makes are not the same.
The best thing about my job is that it's not micromanaged hell. It's weird being able to go to lunch when your hungry and to get up from my desk when I need to without people keeping time of how long I've been away. I feel like I am much more productive which is what the micro-managers think is what they produce but they don't.
It's been a busy summer, but fun for the most part. Hope you are all enjoying your summer.

The girls enjoying the summer sun!

2008-07-04T11:08:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July

2008-07-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

I hope you are celebrating your independence today. I am working. It is my last day working for Perot systems, my last day taking calls from angry VW owners. I am very excited. I start a new job on Tuesday. I am really excited. I feel like I am getting a new start, it is really exciting. I used the word excite a lot.
I will be going to the lake and hanging out on the boat after work and enjoy some fireworks. That should be good times. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Being Created

2008-06-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

This week I had a revelation from the Lord. It was so energetic to me. The Lord told me that he is still creating us. Sounds simple huh? For me, I guess in my mind it was like the Lord created me, I was born, he drew me to him and now I do my best to follow him. Sounds about right too? But I felt like the Lord said he never stopped creating me. It's this process of creation and it doesn't stop when your born. And amazing things happen when you let the Lord create. It's not easy for us because we are creatures of habit and get comfortable and find idenities in being something or another and God keeps creating. The Lord showed me that our idenity in him means that our idenity as a person is never the same because he is constantly working and if we are rooted in him we are moving and growing and changing. So it's okay to have growing pains, and be unsure sometimes about ourselves because it's part of being created.

Chicken Fried Bacon

2008-06-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

Only in Texas! I think this is illegal in some states.

I didn't know pets sweat!

2008-06-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

And if they do why would you buy it in a bottle, I am thinking that this is lost in translation!

Break

2008-06-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

I finished the spring quarter! Not sure I did great on the final, but I did learn some stuff, so that's good. I am taking the summer quarter off. I am a little overwhelmed with life right now and am trying to set limits. I am coordingating the AIDS WALK event for my church again this year which is a big event and takes a lot of time and effort. I love this event though and am excited about it. I am also on the planning committee for a conference our church is hosting and I just took over leadership for the hospitality team at church. Not to mention I do have a job and a family. SO I have been busy. Busy is good, especially when you are doing things you love. I don't have an major summer plans, as you can see I will be too busy to go away but I am sure there will be little trips and activities.

Gummy Bear Anatomy

2008-06-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

David Sedaris is so funny!

2008-06-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

Your new book has a painting by Vincent Van Gogh on the cover of a skeleton smoking a cigarette. How'd you pick that?
DAVID SEDARIS: I got a postcard of it when I was in Amsterdam. I kept that postcard for a long time, and I kept pulling it out and looking at it.

Did you go see the actual painting itself in Amsterdam?I like museum gift shops, not the museums themselves.

Why?
Because in the gift shop you can walk out with something. In the museum you can't. [Laughs] Anyway, I think people will be shocked to know that it's a Van Gogh painting. Best thing he ever did. Army bases don't want to carry the book, or don't want to display it. Because they think it's a joint the skeleton is smoking. The publisher at Little Brown had to explain to them that this was before joints. This is just what cigarettes looked like. What's funny is the idea, Oh, we don't want to corrupt those Army men. [Laughs raucously]

Song Writing

2008-06-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

My friend Allie and I have been talking about writing a song together for months. This Sunday we finally got together to write a song, and my mind was blank. Thanks to Rebecca and Allie pulling out all the stuff God is doing in my life, a song appeared. We wrote a worship song! The exciting part is I acutally like it, no I love it. It's raw and real and still glorifies God. My other friend Allie, (yes I have two friends named Allie and they are best friends) thinks that it may not be congregational becuase it is personal.( she by the way thinks that is okay) So I started thinking about all the worship songs that we sing at church and think that some of the best ones are the personal type. What do you think? Do you think worship songs sung at church need to be congregational ( worship to God from the group) I really want to hear. Also maybe the song will be on here soon, hopefully.

Luke and Maya

2008-06-02T12:43:00.000-07:00

Here are some new pictures of my nephew and niece. They are so cute!!!!!
Maya doesn't like the sun or the wind, so she has to wear her floppy hat and sunglasses when outside. Why this face, why not?

The MOLE

2008-06-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, so tonight my favorite reality show is back! The Mole! I loved this show, a little sad Anderson Cooper is not hosting, but I will still be watching. If you love this show and are interested in watching together let me know! When it used to be on I used to watch with a group of friends and it was really fun! I love the Mole because it is a game and is very similar to Clue which is the only board game I really liked as a kid.

Gifts

2008-05-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

I had this dream the other day (yes I have a lot of dreams)and I can't get it out of my mind. In the dream it was a long hot season and I hate the heat, I mean hate! I am rarely ever cold but always warm, I am hot blooded. (And I am glad that I got the song in your mind) Back to my dream, I am wanting a swimming pool so that I can have moments of relief from the heat and I really enjoy swimming but I can't afford a pool and my backyard is not set up for a pool due to weird wires (which is actually true) and I am praying for relief, and I look over to my neighbor and they are digging a huge hole in their ground. I walk over to my neighbor and I ask "what's going on with the big hole?" My neighbor answers, "we are building a pool." And I answer, "wow, I thought that you couldn't afford a new pool" and the neighbor says "we can't but we can't handle heat so we decided to build a pool" And I leave upset that they didn't invite me to share the pool and that they get relief and I don't. But I decide to keep praying and wait it out. The next day I wake up and look over to the neighbors house and they are almost done with the pool, but the workers have all stopped digging and are sitting there starring out into the distance and I walk over and look and it is the most amazing picture ever, I see a blue ocean surronded by beautiful snow covered mountains and beautiful flowers surronding the ocean. It was amazing and beautiful and right in my backyard. I know, wow right? I am going to be super honest here, there are so many things I want for my life that I feel like I have been praying forever for and I keep being told to wait, and it's getting hard seeing others around me either getting or taking what they desperatly want or need. But then I have this dream and I am reminded that what I can give myself is nowhere near what God has in store for me and that He sees me, and he knows that I am waiting. I love the part in my dream that my gift from God can be enjoyed by others too, my neighbors can enjoy the ocean and mountains. I feel this is true for the gifts God gives. I am praying that I will be able to hold tight to the things he has for me and I pray this for all my friends that I see who are desperatly needing something from the Lord.

The Gospel according to John

2008-05-25T13:40:00.001-07:00

I just had a test on Tuesday on the Johnnine books, which are all the books written by the Apostle John which are the Gospel John (maybe, there is discussion if he actually wrote it), 1John, 2John, 3John and Revelations. We had this amazing lecturer who had this idea that Lazarus could be the beloved disciple and not John. After re-reading John, I find myself thinking it could of been. They call Lazarus "the one Jesus loved" every time they mention him, and there was most likely more than the 12 at the last supper, ( the beloved was at the last supper) and the kicker is the beloved was with the Mary's at the tomb, but it says the 12 ran back, so it would be weird that John left and than came back to the tomb. Anyway just a thought. It is cool to think that maybe there are things that are left to explore. I find myself loving the theology of the bible much more than I ever thought I did. It's kind of weird. I remember liking the topical classes before when I was in Master's Commission, now it's just the opposite. I guess people really do change.

Nacho Nacho

2008-05-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

It was a great birthday party! It was a Nacho - Nacho birthday! The first picture is a bunch of us wearing Mexican moustaches and the second picture is Josh and I blowing out birthday candles. There was 2 pinatas and we watched Nacho Libre on my garage. As my niece Maya says "FUN!"

Also for some reason I think I look really cute in the bottom picture, in a young fun person way!

Luke napping

2008-05-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

Looking to Hannah

2008-05-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

"The LORD brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up."

My life given over to him
the passions and joy
love and sorrow
he restores my soul
listens to my cries
holds me close
and gives new life

she returned the gift
sacrificed with a joyful heart
knew his plan was better
layed down her hope
rejoiced in giving the love of her life
to him

wanting, seeking, needing to be like Hannah

Swell Season

2008-05-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

This saturday I am going with a group of friends to see the Swell Season show. I am so excited! If you have seen the movie Once, than you know the music. If you haven't seen the movie Once, go rent it right now! Seriously, I love this music. This movie is so fresh, and the music is amazing and the characters are relatable and lovable. So thank you Cheryl Lynn who lives in Chicago and told me that the show was coming to Royal Oak Michigan.

Sunday the fam will be celebrating mother's day/my birthday in which I plan on making mango belinis. Oh yes. I will be celebrating the birthday a few times this year. My friend Josh and I are having a big old Fiesta May 17th, if you want to come and I for some reason did not send you an evite, or you never opened your evite, let me know!
So it's a celebrating few weeks to come and I am ready!

One word

2008-04-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

In college we did these poems with one word lines, and they are my favorite! So here is a new one!

hallow
wasted
week
sometimes
holy
focused
hopeful
future
seeking
clouded
taken
stand
tall
beyond
hype
further
happiness
soft
joy

A little late

2008-04-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

April is poetry month, so I thought I should write something. I will try to add a few more this week, my poetry month will carry over to May, which is my birthday month! If you have a poem, attach it, I would love to read it!

Enough

2008-04-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

not so bright eyed
enthusiasm has faded
truth has settled
I know this is going to be work

no easy choices
but choices indeed
to allow them to see inside
even if just for a moment

stregnth lies strong inside me
it has shown true in the past
but my will lies dead
show me how to revive it

unlock my fear of staying
being just enough

Serving lessons

2008-04-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

This Sunday we had our first Servefest at church. We met for about 2 worship songs, prayed and then separated in groups to serve the community in different ways. I helped in two different groups. I made cookies Sat night for the kids to take to the fireman. They first frosted them of course. I also helped with the brunch we hosted for the homeless and people who may have less. A different group actually comes in and serves lunch every Saturday to this same group of people at our church. We serve every quarter and I usually am a part of that group. We just served a few weeks ago so I had remembered quite a few of the people. One of the ladies who was there a few weeks ago was there again yesterday. This lady was kind of harsh to a few of us last time we saw her. This time was totally different. She brought up our church announcement sheet and asked about the singles mom dinner we host and if she could come and I told her of course. And then she said something that has been repeating in my head all day, "your church is spoiling us, you know we are going to get used to this" It was sweet and sad at the same time. We have fed her and her friends a few times and have learned her name and shared grace to her on maybe a not so great day and this is "spoiling." I receive grace and kind words everyday and I expect it. It's a challenge to me, not only to reach out to my community more and all the people who are a part of the community but to not take advantage of the kindness that is given to me so freely by others.

My favorite Brunch Recipe

2008-04-26T15:37:00.001-07:00

I have taken a recipe for Creme Brulee french toast and made it my own, here it is

1 stick of butter
1 cup dark brown sugar
2 T light corn syrup
1 loaf of round Hawaiian bread
5 large eggs
1 1/2 cups of half and half
1 T Grand Marnier
1 t vanilla
1/4 t salt
1 cup chopped pecans (optional)

In a small heavy saucepan, melt butter with brown sugar and corn syrup over medium heat, sturring, until smooth. Pour into a 13 by 9 by 2 inch baking dsih.Place nuts on top of syrup if using. Cut 1 inch pieces of bread. (I cut the loaf in half, cut of the edges and use the 1 inch slices) Arange bread sllices in one layer. In a bowl whisk together eggs, half and half, vanilla, Grand Marnier, and salt until combined well and pour evenly over bread. Chill bread mixture, covered, at least 8 hours. I always make it the night before.

Preheat oven to 350 degress and bring bread to room temp. Bake uncovered in middle of oven until puffed and edges are pale golden, 35 to 40 min.

The best thing about this recipe besides the taste is that you make it the night before and all you do is bake it the next day. I like to serve with fresh berries and fresh whipped cream!

God loves Oprah!

2008-04-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

I am not sure why so many Christians hate or shall I say extremely dislike Oprah. It seems like a lot of people feel threatened by her. I know that a lot of her beliefs are not Bibical, but why is that suprising? I think it may confuse people that she says she is a Christian but then she supports new age ideas. That is not that new though either. Oprah has a lot of influence on people and I think that is the threatening part. I understand that people are concerned that she is like a wolf in sheeps clothing and that she says she is a Christian and that she gives a lot to good causes but then she tells people to read new age stuff. But here is the thing, as Christians if we did our part by living lives that support what we say we believe than it wouldn't matter what Oprah said.
I don't mind Oprah at all. She keeps me on my toes and challenges me to back up my words with actions. I try not to let Oprah beat me out in giving (you can give without always giving money) or being kind. Of course giving and being kind doesn't make you a Christian, but it sure does make people ask questions. It comes down to I trust God for everything, so I can trust enough to give to others when possible, and I can trust that God is bigger than Oprah.

Because I have the CUTEST niece!

2008-04-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

I love this picture and had to share with the blogging world!

Connecting to Ezra

2008-04-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

THE GARDEN

En robe de parade.
Samain

Like a skien of loose silk blown against a wall
She walks by the railing of a path in Kensington Gardens,
And she is dying piece-meal
of a sort of emotional anaemia.

And round about there is a rabble
Of the filthy, sturdy, unkillable infants of the very poor.
They shall inherit the earth.

In her is the end of breeding.
Her boredom is exquisite and excessive.
She would like some one to speak to her,
And is almost afraid that I
will commit that indiscretion.

Ezra Pound

Dreams of Prophets

2008-04-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

I started reading Ezekial last week and it is amazing. Ezekial has a dream (I have a feeling C.S. Lewis got some of his ideas for the creatures of Narnia from this dream) where 4 creatures come out of a fire ball, each creature has four faces and four wings, hoofed feet and the four faces were one of a human, lion, ox and eagle. The creatures have tongues of fire and a wheel of diamonds echo every move they make. Then comes a throne surronded by fire and the voice of God calls to Ezekial. The voice of God calls Ezekial to speak to the Israelites while they are captive in Babylon.

I have read the Bible straight through for school years ago but because it was for school I am not sure I really was focused on everything except for the questions I needed to know for the test. This time as I was reading I was blown away by this vision. I have had dreams of 4 headed animals since I read it last week. Seriously. Last night I had this dream that I was dreaming Ezekials dream and that we were dreaming at the same time and when I awoke (in the dream) I didn't hear the voice of God before I awoke but I felt his presence. I woke this morning wondering what God was saying to me. I am reading the rest of Ezekial as if there is a message in there for me. It's all so exciting and a bit scary. If you have any dream translations, bring them on!

Single and Satisfied

2008-04-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

Last week my pastor started a sermon series on love and marriage. He started the series with a sermon called Single and Satisfied. It was very good. My friend who is single gave a "testimony" I guess you could call it that on how she has become single minded and focused on the Lord. In the sermon my pastor mentioned how as humans we tend to have a "the grass is greener" mentality. I think especially in America, it is so true. I love most things about my life. I really do. I love the freedom I have to do what I want when I want to for the most part. I mean there are limitations to everything. But if I want to go to Nashville next month and have the money to go, I can. I love how I have so many wonderful friends who I can spend a lot of time with and I can be very flexible with my schedule.

I also know that relationships are hard work, and I see people in marriages working really hard. I know that is what it takes, and to be honest sometimes I am grateful that I don't have to work that hard. This might not be a good thing, but it's true. Comprimise is hard to do when you don't have to do it that much.

There are some things that a relationship would bring that I wouldn't mind having, but for the most part the Lord fills those voids for me. I think no matter where we are in life, single, married, parents, we sometimes need to stop and think of what we have and be thankful. This single life of mine might end one day, and that is okay and it might not and that is okay. I am thankful that I am single and satisfied.

Luke Marceau Renaud

2008-04-07T15:00:00.001-07:00

My nephew was born on Friday, April 4, 2008 at 5:02pm. He weighed 6 pounds, 6 ounces and is 19 1/2 inches long. He is adorable and I am a very proud Aunt!

Aunt again!

2008-04-04T09:49:00.001-07:00

I am going to be an Aunt again today. My sister-n-law and very close friend is birthing my nephew today. I am so excited. I love, love, love being an Aunt! I will have more news when little boy is here. (no name yet)

21

2008-03-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

I went and saw 21 on Saturday. Contrary to what the critics said, I thought it was pretty good. I now want to read the book Bringing down the House. I always like "stick to the man" kind of movies and stories, especailly when using brain power to bring down the system. It's the rebelious part of me.

Let the fun begin

2008-03-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

SO I finished the quarter last night with my make up mid term. I am now semi knowledgable of the Pauline letters. SO if in the future you have any questions about monotheism and dualism in the NT maybe I can help you out. Good stuff.
It's fun to think that this weekend I can do things for fun! I plan on going to the movies this weekend, not even sure what is out. Any suggestions on what to see?

Clap your hands and say Yeah!

2008-03-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

My boss is from the Congo and she was saying that when she moved to the US, it took her a while to get used to people clapping their hands and celebrating when they were excited. Now she claps her hands and get's excited often and it's really cute. At work we acknowlege each other and clap for each other when someone does something beyond the normal expectations, my boss said this would be abnormal in the Congo. It makes me think who started this whole celebrating publically thing, and if we do it because it is cultrally expected or if we really mean it. When I clap, I mean it or I don't clap. When I shout for joy, I mean it. I am glad that it is part of my culture or I might not fit it so well if not, because it seems I get excited a lot!

I get so emotional Baby

2008-03-19T10:09:00.000-07:00

I don't what's going on with me, but I have been having these emotional burst that come all of a sudden and they pass pretty quickly too. I was in a meeting today at work and started crying. It was a little embarrasing and it really didn't have anything to do with anything at work and I knew that.
I am processing a lot right now and working really hard to hand it over to the Lord and not let my situtions control me. And I must admit I feel like I am not letting my health concerns take control over me but every once in a while I am reminded of my weeknesses, physical, emotional, and spiritual and that can feel a little overwhelming.

This Quarter

2008-03-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

This Quarter of school has been rough. I was pretty sick mid-way through and missed the midterm. I went on vacation right before the mid-term so I'm not sure if I would of done super great anyway. Also the subject matter we have been studying has been pretty dense. The Pauline letters and the life of Paul and all that involves.
Last night we were studying The Law. Good times. It sometimes makes me scratch my head in wonderment that people spend there whole lives trying to figure out how to interpret one specific part of scripture and what it all means. I mean I think this is good but there comes a time where you have to just trust God that he is leading and revealing his direcetion correctly. I mean we have to study the word, but I think the Holy Spirit is there to give us direction. Sometimes in theological study, it feels like we are studying old dead words, and I have to remind myseld that Jesus is alive and so is his word!

Easter Candy

2008-03-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love Easter Candy. Candbury mini eggs, mmm, and the reeses peanutbutter egg is better than the cup. I think anyway.

Sicko

2008-03-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a crazy week and a half. I went to Nashville last weekend for a short 2 1/2 days. It was so great to see the friends that I did get to see. My friend Kristina and her husband Jason were great host to me too. I wish I could of stayed like an extra month. But I tagged along with my brother on his beard adventure.

When I got home I was having a lot of pain in my back and I figured it was from the travel and what not. I went to the doctor and the next thing I know I was in the ER because my heart rate was elevated and I was having weird pains in my chest. Were not sure what happened but I am feeling better and am beginning a season of medical test and that sucks. I am really just frustrated with my back and it doing the things it does, mostly by causing me ridiculous amounts of pain. But I do believe in miracles and I do believe God is faithful and he does give me hope for change.

Bring me SOUL!

2008-02-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

My mom told me the other day she thinks maybe I have some hidden black gene. I think she is right. Many people have told me similar things. I am not sure if it was because my dad listened to alot of Motown, or because I grew up in Motown, but I love all things SOUL! I love Soul music, especially classic Soul, like Al Green. Oh, how do I love Al!! I saw him perform live this summer, a dream come true, seriously. I love Gospel music, and soul food!! Soul food, oh my goodness, it's so comforting and good. Anyway, this is Black History month, and I really love this month. I started off with on Feb 2nd I went and saw Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. My friend Elizabeth hooked me up with amazing seats and I felt like I was in heaven for 2 hours. The way dancers move and can express so much that is going on within and outside of themselves amazes me. It was fun, beautiful and moving all at the same time. This weekend I will be going to see Abuakwa African Music and Dance Ensemble at the The Detroit Institute of Arts. I think this is a great time to expand my horizons, and because it is Black History month there so many opportunities to do so. And I promised my boss Aline and friend Yao who are both from Africa that I would make one of their favorite African dishes called Chicken Yassa. I have never had it or made it, so this will be interesting, but I am super excited to try.
I love Soul music because it is so full of passion and raw feeling and it makes you move. I wouldn't mind if someone said that about me one day too.

Party Central

2008-01-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

This weekend was a little odd. I had my friend Rebecca over for dinner in which I made pecan encrusted cod with brown butter sauce and roasted red potatoes and brussel sprouts. It was yummy. I also made two birthday cakes. I had a killer migraine that just grew on Saturday. Saturday I made my brothers birthday dinner for Sunday and laid in bed a lot. Sunday came and I still had a migraine but hosted a lovely birthday party for my brother. My brother was sick too, so it felt okay that I wasn't my normal perky self.
Even sick, I love to host a party and all the stuff that goes with it. All the cooking and getting ready, that is so fun to me. Trying to figure out what to make, what food goes with what. Theme parties are super fun to me. My next party will be my anual pizza party. This party is crazy. I make like 10 - 15 pizza and about 40 people come to my little house. Good times. As you can tell, I have been in the party mood lately. Not sure why, but it's good.

Party over here!

2008-01-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

I love to throw a party, always have and always will. When I was a kid I used to throw neighborhood parties all the time with Koolaid and popcorn and we would rollerskate in Karen DeCooks basement. Yes, I threw parties that were at other peoples houses. You need one person to plan things or it's all talk and no play. Last night I had a movie night. Okay so I was hoping to watch 3 movies. I had it all planned, Christopher Guest night. We started with Waiting for Guffman, one of my all time favorite movies. It is so funny, I laugh like crazy everytime I see it, and it's been like 20 times. Oh, I could do a post of quotes but that would only be entertaining to me and like 5 other people, which actually may be more than the amount of people who actually read this, hmm. Anyway, we then watched For Your Consideration, and half the people fell asleep. So we only made it through two movies again! But it's only January. I think the next movie night, will start at 4 pm and we will call it Movie day or something. But I had a good turn out and lots of goodies and fun times. If you are interesting in coming to a movie event which consist of 3 movies, even though we have not made it through 3 yet, let me know. Any suggestions for the next trilogy?

In other news, my brother and sister-n-law and niece are back from Florida, and I am so happy. I know they want to go back to the 85 degrees. I mean coming home to 8 degrees cannot be fun. But I missed them a lot. I start back in school on Tue. I think we are studying the Pauline letters and church planting. Fun times.

Movie Day

2008-01-12T18:03:00.000-08:00

So today I am having a relaxing day. I went to lunch and to the movies with my friend Katt. We saw The Orrphanage. It was really good, spooky, but not as spooky as I thougt. It's one of the movies where after you spend a few hours putting it all together, I would love to see it again. Just so you know it's not scary like it looks in the previews. I believe it was produced by the same guy who did Pan's Labyrith. (which I loved!) I now just finished watching Once, which is a modern day musical. Very good, the music is great, it's real raw and European. I think I might watch one more movie tonight, we will see.

Airport

2008-01-09T19:18:00.001-08:00

I went to visit my friend Banning at the airport. She had a layover on her way back to Paris. I love Banning, so I of course don't mind hanging out with her wherever she is. She is one of my friends who I can talk to for hours and it never seems long enough.

When I am at the airport though it makes me want to go somewhere. It makes me a little sad, unless of course I am the one on my way somewhere. I am ready to get out of Michigan! I am going to NY in April to see Banning dance with Mikhail Baryshnikov! Whoohoo! I have amazing friends!

Juno

2008-01-05T14:02:00.000-08:00

I saw Juno today and thought it was super wity and warm. I really enjoyed it and it was so much more funnier than I was expecting. Elle Page is so cute and quirky, I don't know how you can't fall in love with her. I love quirky lovable people, who have an odd flair to them that make them stand out. It can be so refreshing. Like this movie, it takes a topic that can be hard and uncomfortable and makes it real yet funny and warm all at the same time. Like I said, refreshing.

I don't bend it like Beckam

2008-01-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I did my first Yoga lesson on DVD. I laughed more than I exercised. My body don't do that. Seriously the lady looked like Gumby. I guess I thought it was going to be a lot of stretching but not like a rubber band. So I switched over to Pilates. Pilates is a little more pratical and it's not so spiritually weird. I am not super comfortable bowing to mountains I can't pronounce. Now the hard part is to keep doing it. You have to start somewhere right.

Updating

2008-01-02T17:50:00.001-08:00

I am updating and adding a little flair to my blog. Let me know what you think. I am hoping to be better at all of this. I am also hoping to take more pictures and add to my Flickr site more often. Oh dreams, everyone has to have them.

Almost a Trilogy

2008-01-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

My friend Allie, Rebecca and I have attempted to have a night of Trilogy watching two times now and have only made it to two films out of the 3. The first time we watched the first 2 of the Lord of the Rings trilogy extended version and at 3 am I was done. This time I chose the Baz Luhrmann trilogy (The Red Curtain trilogy) which contains Romeo and Juliet, Moulin Rouge and Strickly Ballroom, we didn't get to Romeo and Juliet. I have a goal this year to watch a whole trilogy at one time, I think we may need to start earlier. But I love these movie watching events. And for us they are events. We get really into it, watching them on the big screen and having thematic foods and inviting lots of people. Good times. Any ideas for the next trilogy?

New Years Resolutions are taboo...

2007-12-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

and I usually don't make them since "the man" tells us to make them, and I am a little rebellious. But this year I am making some. I really need to get in shape and lose some weight. I have been just about to start Yoga for like 5 months. I bought a DVD player for the sole reason of doing Yoga. I have turned on my DVD player once and it was to watch Emma and not do Yoga. So Yoga is number 1 on the list. Also, I used to be really good at mailing letters to friends. I am so bad at this. I bought my friend Deanna's daughter the cutest outfit that I never sent and that she has already outgrown, sorry De. I mean that is pitiful. I used to write these beautiful letter and send the cutest cards, I mean who doesn't like mail, the real mail that comes written on paper by hand. My third and final resolution is to read my Bible more. I have to say that I am getting better at this, but there is always room to grow.
I think resolutions are good if they are productive. I mean resolutions are really just goals and everyone needs goals.
So what are your resolutions?

I am the Tree

2007-12-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

This is such an amazing article!!! BWC : The Reject Tree

Finding Christmas

2007-12-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

I think working in retail has made me realize what Christmas really is and what we as a culture have turned it in too. I think without working in retail for so many Christmas seasons it would be fine and dandy to go to the mall and do Christmas shopping, and sit and have a chai latte and a muffin, enjoy the Christmas music over the speaker and laugh as the children pull Santa's beard. But if you work at the mall you get a whole different perspective.
Today I saw the shipment of Easter books that has come in. Yes, I said Easter. Jesus hasn't even been born and we are already mourning his death and celebrating his Resurrection. Seeing Christmas stuff since August kind of makes you immune to the season. You forget it's Christmas until your mom calls you to make plans for Christmas dinner.
After a few years of this I think I have disassociated Christmas with red and green and Santa Claus. I have become cynical and find all of that to be ways to suck my hard earned dollar out of my wallet. Instead I find Christ in Christmas. Imagine that. Really, I have made myself stop and slow down and think about what the birth of the Savior means to me and the rest of the world. I think of the Joy, Peace, Hope and Love Jesus brings to me. And I say thank you.

Leaning in

2007-12-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

I am Leaning in
holding on to the unseen
wrapping myself around you
waiting

I am Leaning in
remembering your birth
and the hope you bring
thankful

I am Leaning in
listening to your whispers
feeling your presence
now

I am Leaning in
hopeful for your coming
living in the kingdom
today

Learning

2007-11-20T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have one more week of school for the quarter. I did pretty good at posting until the last few weeks. Life got a little ridiculous. It's been good though. I had my intesive last week and it was on Missions. I learned that I am not called to the Muslim world, unless you count the Detroit area. Actually there are more people of Arabic nationally in the Detroit area then anywhere outside of the Arab world. True, very true.
I feel like this time has been really great and I am really excited to be learning so much. It makes me feel more sure about this plan for my life. I have had some time to work with people outside of church doing different projects like the pumpking give- away I organized and me and my friend Rebecca have been working on making new relationships and connections with people in the community and I have met some really great people. I love this part the most. I love pushing myself to connect with people that maybe in my daily encounters I wouldn't.
My last personality test told me that I really like people, yup it's true.

Personality Test

2007-11-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

This week we had to take Meyer/Briggs Personality test. I don't mind those things. Sometimes I am not really sure how to answer because I do things different depending on what mood I am in. Yeah that showed in the test. There are four categories and I was on the border of 2 of them, so I have like 6 different personality options. Yeah, I know I have a split personality disorder. No really I think I just can't be put in a box. The two categories I was for sure Etrovert and feeling. I am not a thinker according to Meyer/Briggs (who happen to be a mother daughter team) The other two categories Intuition/sensory and Perceptive/Judging I can go either way. After reading the descriptions I lean more toward ESFJ. I am a nurturer. I already knew that. But now it's real I guess.

Discipline is infectious?

2007-10-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I had to write a 4 paragraph essay on what a simplified life means and how what I have learned about simplification has challenged me. My whole year has been about simplification. Really the Lord has been speaking to me major about this. I realized a while ago that I always thought it was important to have nice things, even if I never said that I felt that way, I did. So I have been working on my attitude and what it means to simplify. So I carry around this list of 10 ways to simplify or something like that by Richard Foster and I read them often.
Today this guy at work was talking and I was on the phone so I only heard the end of his conversation about how he is trying to simplify his life by making his yes mean yes and no mean no. And how we need to simplify our language. Oh my goodness, that is what Foster says! Me so giddy, says I just wrote a paper on that yesterday. I am working on the same things. I carry this list around, do you want to read it? My friend says sure and I hand it to him and his jaw drops. "I was just looking on the internet for this and told Jim (the guy sitting next to him) that my pastor spoke on this and I need to find it. I couldn't find it." "Really?" I say. Our friend Elya says I want that list too, it sounds good. Before you know it we were all discussing what it means to simplify our lives to make room for the Lord. What? I work with a brand new Christian, a Jewish guy and a leary Catholic. God moves in mysterious ways, and who would thought it would be by giving up stuff and living a more simple life. We had about 20 minutes of confession and all decided we wanted to work on some of these things. WOW!

Mid Terms

2007-10-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

I had my first test for VLI today. I was super nervous, but I think I did pretty good. I wanted to study more than I had time for. But in general I was pretty proud of myself for actually putting time into it when I had time available. I also kept a pretty good attitude about the test portion of the class.
Yesterday I had to lead a servant leadership project. My church is really great at reaching out to the community. Once a month we go to a mobile home community and hand out groceries. Yesterday me and my sister -n -law , niece and my friend Rebecca went and handed out pumpkins and candy. It seems kind of minimal to hand out pumpkins. But the smiles on the kids faces made it all worth while. Even some of the adults were really excited to receive a gift from us. We also got to talk to people and pray for some. One guy really felt like the Lord has been using us to speak love to him. It was a great time even if it did rain the whole time.
I am not sure if I would of done this project on my own if I didn't have to think of something. But now that I did it, I really want to continue to walk in this. It was a very neat time and cost little money and took 1 hour of my time. But the Lord used our willingness. I challenge you to think of creative ways to reach out to people in your community and let me know so I can bum some of your ideas!

Overload

2007-10-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

My mind is on overload. We just finished our intensive weekend with 3 days of classes. It was a lot. I am really excited about a lot of what I am learning and will definately be unloading it soon. I have been talking about a lot of it in my daily life. I am teaching anyone who will listen about bibical history. Suprisingly a lot of people listen.
This isn't much of a blog but I am so exhausted and it's like 80 degress here and it is Oct 21! I live in Michigan, really this is crazy. And who says there no such thing as global warming? I am not suppose to have fuzzy hair in October for goodness sake. Fall is my favorite time of year, and there is none! Ahh!
So anyway I will be posting more soon about Matthew Mark and good old Dr. Luke.

Study Day

2007-10-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

So yesterday felt like I was back in school again. Rebecca who is my dear friend and is in the program with me came over and we spent the entire day except for a Target run studying. It was good. I didn't hate it. That's a lot for me. I was never much into school and homework. It was so much better to have a study partner.

This place where I am at in my life is making me process things a little more deeply, hence the last poem. You may be seeing more of things like that. I process a lot through writing and coversation, so why not process through blogging. It's good though. I feel like the Lord is revealing things. It's hard too, not sure sometimes what to do with it all, except pray. I am not sure why we say except pray, becuase it should be first and not a last resort, but as a doer who wants to fix things, praying seems to take time. There is a lot of waiting and listening before answers are shown and well I'm American and I like answers in 5 minutes. Wow, not sure where all that came from, probably lack of sleep.

Standing Still

2007-10-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

I can smile half way with a twinkle that makes me look unsure
you are knowing
knowing I am afraid of what this could be
about how I will react
or not act
and I turn away instead of leaving with you
and you are knowing
knowing I am afraid of more
afraid you might like the heart
and then how do I leave
I haven't had enough practice leaving
at least not when I want to stay

Holy Obedience

2007-10-06T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have been reading Amazon.com: A Testament of Devotion: Books: Thomas R. Kelly and at first I had a hard time with some of the ideas. And then I got to the chapter about obedience. Fun stuff. Not really, but it all made so much sense at that point. Kelly talks about getting to this point where you are constinetly in the presence of God. I thought that was impossible, and then I started reading about obedience. Kelly says "But when such a commitment comes in a human life, God breaks through, miracles are wrought, world-renewing divine forces are released, history changes." I believe this. I believe if we were all to be commited to being obedient miracles would happen and people would come to Christ and history would change. It's a huge thing to be obedient, it's really hard because I am so selfish, but I want to listen and be at that place where I let God speak to me all the time and better yet I obey. I am starting small, as Bob says in What about Bob (the best movie ever) Baby Steps. We all have to start somewhere. But I want to see how being obedient can change the world. I think God wants to use us for amazing things, and we want the ordinary. Probablly because it's safe and easy. I am praying for God to make me ready for the amazing.

Baby Likes Cake!

2007-09-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

My year of practice

2007-09-27T16:27:00.000-07:00

This weeks teaching at VLI was about practicing the disciplines of faith. There are many versions of what those disciplines are and the teacher discussed in great length what each meant and how they effect our lives. Different theologians and writers and teachers have compiled different list. They are generally private disciplines that you do on your own like prayer and fasting and then there are public disciplines that you do as a body or group like worship and fellowship. All of the disciplines are important and worth practicing, but the main thing I am learning is the art of practice itself.

This year as a home group we have been talking about the disciplines as described by Richard Foster in his book Celebration of Discipline. Each month we talk about one and then we practice it. Each month trying to practice the discipline is challenging. I guess that is why they call it a discipline. But Richard did put the word Celebrate in the title. I know that eventually after a lot of practice some of the disciplines become natural and are more of a celebration, just like anything you practice for a long time. I am learning the spiritual disciplines are a lot like physical excercise and sports, music, relationships: all the things that take practice in life. Some people are natural at things and others are not but either way to be great you have to practice. If you are learning how to play the oboe for example (I chose the oboe because it is fun to say) you wouldn't expect to be great at it in one month even if you have played another wind instrument, but especially if you have never played any instrument. But for some reason I think that since I read how to be submissive or simplify my life and I know the benefits I should be great at it right away. No, it's not like that. It takes practice and failing and trying angain and getting a little better and trying again and getting a little better. It's good for me to keep the perspective that it takes practice to be disciplined and it's worth learning how to perserve and keep working on them and knowing that the practice part is just as valuable at the performing well part.

Ready, Set, Go

2007-09-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday was like running a marathon, although I have never ran in a marathon so I am not really sure it was like running in a marathon, but it took a lot of endurance and is what I would imagine running in a marathon might be like. I started the morning walking 5k in the AIDS WALK DETROIT which isn't far, but for me it's a workout. Then my church hosted a BBQ which I organized so I was trying to help everyone there and clean up. After the BBQ I started my first day of class at VLI. It was just orientation, so I don't have much profound to say about it yet. After class I went home made dinner and watched the Emmys. Yes I watched all of it. I am a sucker. It was a long day.

I spent a lot of time organzing a team and a BBQ for the AIDS WALK. I was expecting a lot and was let down. I shouldn't of been, because a lot of great things happened. People walked for a great cause and 9 great people from my church joined the walk. We had a great BBQ and some people from the walk came and we got to talk to them and share a chili dog. I am realizing I have great expectations for the church. Not just my church, but the church in general. I want them to care about the same things I care about, I want them to be passionate about the same things I am passionate about and when that doesn't happen, I get really bumbed and start thinking critically. I want the church to do great things, I want us to step up to the plate and create community in places that aren't so pretty or maybe are uncomfortable. I want these things and I know I need to start with me. I know that I need to start with my heart and well there is a lot of room for growth. I want to be courageous and generous at the same time. I am praying for that.

That is week one, and I know it has nothing to do with class or anything that I read but it is what I am processing now.

Commitment

2007-09-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

So along with school I have committed to blogging once a week about what I am learning, what God is working on in me, and how the lack of sleep is effecting my life. I am sure I will slack from this during mid-term and finals but I hope to keep it up in general. I am hoping to spark up thought provoking conversation, so please feel free to respond truthfully to any of my post. I know you don't have to go to Bible school to come up with thought proving conversation, well that is unless you are me. No, I just think this will be a good creative way for me to process what I am learning and maybe give some insight or food for thought or learn something new from others. Sunday is my first day of school, so expect something next week.

My so called Life

2007-09-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

So I start school in two weeks. Didn't know I was going back? Yeah I am. "What for" you say. Well I am doing a Bible program vineyard leadership institute through my church for two years and then I will enter a program at Sinai Grace for 6 months to become a chaplain. No not like Charlie Chaplain, but a chaplain in a hospital. I am excited about this. I know this is God's plan for me.
Right now I have been working on organizing my team at church for the AIDS Walk Detroit - Home. If you would like to sponsor me that would be fabulous. If you are walking in the walk come to First Baptis Royal Oak after for a kickin BBQ that we are also sponsoring.
I am going to be an Aunt again. I am super excited about that. I love being an Aunt. I love my Maya. She is the cute baby to the right.
So I apologize for not being better at this blogging stuff. I am twitting though. So you can alway check that out at Twitter.

Whatch you doin

2007-08-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

Check out what I'm doin Twitter

I am alive

2007-07-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been away for so long. I am on the computer all day at work so when I come home all I do is check my email, and I don't even do that everyday anymore. But my brother is going to create a new blog site for me soon, one I can keep up with at work. Yahoo!
I went to Nashville and had so much fun. I unfortunatly don't have pictures. My friends Charlie, Cassie and Marko were super hosts. I stayed with them on the lake. It was so relaxing and fun that I had a hard time driving back home. My friend Kristina and her husband Jason hosted a lovely BBQ where we played the most fun party game ever! Oh and I went to BB Kings! and Loveless 2 times. Because once is never enough when it comes to super biscuits and jam.
Not too much going on here in MI. I am going to be taking Viola lessons! I used to play in junior high school. I am very excited. I am enjoying the summer as much as possible. I have been to the lake a few times, hopefully will go a few more.
So I know this post was kind of boring but I have to catch up first before I can get deep again. It's like seeing a friend that you haven't seen for years, you can't just jump to what's going on deep in your soul. You have to re-familiarize yourselves with one another. This is what this post is. Yea, whatever.

I'd rather be whistling in the dark

2007-05-09T20:10:00.000-07:00

So I work on a computer all day and by time I get home I check my email and that is it and sometimes I check my email every other day. This is a huge change for me. I would blog all the time if I could access my blog at work but this site is blocked. You know I have some very borderline material on my blog. My work has been in a blocking mood lately so when I am not talking to crazy angry people on the phone I read a lot of Wikipedia. My favorite site this week is Prince (musician) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. They even have the icon for his name in the same size font as the rest of the letters. I need a symbol. Can one of you graphic design people work on that for me, and make it in the same size as a 12 point font so I can use it in correspondance.

I am going to Nashville in less than 2 weeks. I am so excited. I am going to see some of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I am also going to be eating at Loveless Cafe. I can't wait to eat some buscuits and jam!

Sunday I will be 31. I am getting old. I don't feel like 31. I am not sure what 31 is suppose to feel like, but I don't feel like it. I feel 19. I guess that is the upside to not being married, not having kids and living with your parents. I do feel pretty happy with life though. I am not so worried about how my life should be like as much. God is releasing that in me. Yeah! I am really thankful for so many things. I have a great family, really they are so amazing. I have great friends, a great Church and I am feeling pretty good too. God is good. Oh and remember Sunday is not only my birthday but mother's day too. So give your mom a biss kiss and hug.

Free at Last!

2007-04-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter! He is Risen! Yeah Jesus! Easter is so great! It is totally underated as a holiday. Jesus being born is great and reads Hope all over it, hope for being saved. But Easter is that hope fulfilled. Because Christ died and rose again we can now live! I think of Martin Luther King Jr when he said "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" That is what Easter is. We are free from sin, free from the bondage that holds us. Living in that freedom can be challenging, because it is a choice. This Easter I am choosing to live in Freedom!
Well I didn't mean to preach, it just came out. But it's so odd here in Michigan. Easter is a time of new life, spring is a time of new life, and well we have snow on the ground and it's like 30 degrees outside. Unreal. It's hard to remeber that it is Easter and not Christmas.
Well I wish you all a joyful and happy Easter!

Random thoughts

2007-04-03T16:28:00.000-07:00

There is somthing empowering about going to the movies on a Monday afternoon all by myself. I used to do this quite often when I worked at Borders and had Mondays off. Last Monday I went to the movies and saw Amazing Grace. It was an amazing movie! Ha! No, it was really good and worth the $5.50 matinee price.
I took Monday off because our family dog died on Sunday and I needed a day of morning. It's taking longer than a day though. It's been hard, harder than I remember the loss of any of our other dogs. It's hard to get used too.
The weather is changing! Whoohoo! It's getting warm out! I have been watching a lot of Discovery's Planet Earth which is amazing and with the weather changing all I can think about is how much easier life will be for penguins. I really need to complain less. Watching the life of Emperor Penguins makes all of my problems seem dumb. I watched Happy Feet with my parents and it was really acurate as far as how Penguins mate, and live life. Now if there is a dancing Penguin, I have no idea.
That was random, reminding me of a book I am reading by Anne Lamott who's son's favorite thing to say is, gosh that's random.

Happy St. Patricks day!

2007-03-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I had a great St. Pat's day. Elisse had a really nice party with yummy shepherd's pie, with real mutton. We played party games like writing Irish blessing for one another. That was fun. And we read about St. Patrick. I am still unsure why drinking beer has anything to do with St. Patrick, but I'm not complaining just wondering. I made Irish Creme which is easy to make, and oh so delicious.
Life's been pretty good, oh except my back has been acting up. I got a sinus infection and tried to cure it on my own and well it ended up draining to my back. Yeah it's possible. Anyway my back went out and I am still a little sore. But work is good, been busy and that is good too.
Hope all of you had a great St. Patrick's day!

Dreaming on my own

2007-03-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

I am a day dreamer. Always have been. I mean I have worked really hard to try to " live in the moment" as they say, but I don't think I can do that all of the time. I mean when I am with people I enjoy the moment. But when I am at work or driving or laying in my bed half awake I am in another world. I am always thinking. I had a friend once tell me that is not normal to always be thinking. I can't imagine not always thinking.
God has been working out a lot of stuff in me lately and today I felt like he was talking to me about day dreaming. I usually day dream these great plans for my life. They change all the time. Most of the time they come from an unsatisfied place in my life and I am searching for something esle. I don't think that place is wrong. But the thing is, I have taken control over my dreaming. I have these ideas of what my life should look like and I never include or seek the dreams of what God wants for my life. There is a lot of fear in that. Seeking God for what he has for your life. Sometimes I think he doesn't have a plan for my life, this is it. And that scares me too. It all comes down to trust.
What does one do about this? Well I guess I begin to surrender. I would be totally lying if I said that I was going to give it all up to God, cause I know this isn't all up to me and I have to stop taking control of it and ask God to show me himself and his dreams for me.

Oscar Bash...

2007-02-26T18:08:00.000-08:00

Yeah, not really. I threw and Oscar viewing party but only my brother, sister-n-law, neice, and friend Josh came. Oh and my parents were here. But it was fun in a very relaxed way anyway. I made all kind of yummy Mexican dips. And I made a lemon pudding cake that was amazing!! And super easy if anyone wants the recipe, lemme know.
The best part about the Oscar night was filling out the ballet and keeping score of who got the most right. I had a strong start, like I got a lot of the technical awards right, but I stunk at the big awards like movie, and director, original song. I thought Babel was going to win, I didn't see it but it looked like it had all the right Oscar elements, International, race relations, said something about something, you know what I mean. Who would a thought that the mobster movie would of won in 2007, I thought those went out in the 80's, when it came to awards anyway.
Oh and my favorite dress was Gwenyth, she looked stunning in that earthy pink color and all the geometrics. Amazing, my second place was Kate Winslet, she looked beautiful as well.
Well that's my Oscar fun night!

Still Waiting

2007-02-19T16:03:00.000-08:00

So my boyfriend Maxwell was suppose to release a special CD for me the day before Valentine's day to show his love for my loyalty to him, and well all I got was a message saying it's coming soon. Soon? When is soon? I have been waiting so long for this! Oh well I guess I will wait a little longer.

www.myspace.com/maxwell

Single hearted Valentine

2007-02-14T20:40:00.000-08:00

You know I think as a single person I celebrated Valentines Day more than my married and hooked up friends. I think as a single girl you don't want to feel left out of a holiday for lovers so you go out of your way and find all your other single friends and make a pact not to be alone and to do something fun and different. The people who are in love don't need to go out their way because love is enough. Maybe that's just how I perceive it anyway.
This year I decided that I didn't need to go out of my way either. I offered to babysit for my cousin and her husband so they could have the night out and I spent Valentines with my biggest fan, the person outside of my immediate family who loves me the most, yeah she's 2 1/2 but she thinks I am a rock star or something and that always feels good.
A holiday based around love seems like it should be more important than it is and be about than romance but what true love is, like serving one another and being patient and kind. I know we should be doing that stuff everyday but a day to got out of your way is always good.
So happy Valentines Day from one very loved single hearted girl!

Bitter Cold

2007-02-03T13:56:00.000-08:00

It's like 6 degrees here and it's bitter cold out. I think every year I say "I don't remember it being this cold" and every year I complain about how long the winters are here in Michigan. You would think I would get used to it, but instead I block it out and forget how bitter cold it really is. I have some friends who think it's so pretty here in the winter with the snow and the lakes and all that, it's nice for like 2 days.
Anyway the new job is going well. I wasn't sure if I would like it, listening to people complain on the phone all day, but so far I do like it. The day goes by really fast and some of the time I feel like I am helping someone out.
I have been dog sitting for the last two weeks while my parents lay on the beach in sunny Florida and then call and tell me how it was only 84 degrees out today. Poor Bubba pulled a muscle in one of his legs and is limping and crying. It's really sad. I took hime to the vet today, I felt like an adult. It's weird what things make you feel all grown up.
Yesterday Christie had a girls craft night. I love those nights. We decoupaged last night. It was fun. I made two cool cards and if you ever want someone to lead a craft night call Christie because she is really good at it.
Well that sums up the last few weeks, oh except I had my annual pizza party. This year it fell on my brother' birthday so we joined the two. It was a lot of fun, I think we had our best turn out yet.

Love Sick?

2007-01-21T21:11:00.000-08:00

Why is when I am sick I get all emotional? I think this is a normal feeling, but why? I have this horrible cold, I can barely breathe, as Napolean Dynamite would say "It hurts real bad" anyway I think he said that, I am not really sure cause I can't really think straight. But back to my original point which I think went something like this, why when we are sick do we just want to be loved, or in love or both? I mean I guess we want someone to take care of us because we aren't feeling well, but why is our or at least my emotional state so heightened? Is there evidence to this sort of thing? I mean it's different than being in pain. I have been in some kind of physical pain on a daily basis for 10 years, and well I guess you just get used to it, but I get a little cold and I'm like a little baby. Weird. So today I lounged on my couch all day and totally fed the melacholy behavior by watching way too many episodes of Felicity. I have a weekness for young adult soap operas. I love them, especially when I am sick. Anyway I am rambling, I have to get up for work in a few hours so off to try to sleep I go.

Switched ON

2007-01-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

Are there ever moments in your life when you feel like you're switched on? Like you are fully you and confident with that person and love being you? Well I think that is one of the reasons why I love Nashville. I have great friends there, and this time I made more great friends. It's so weird but when I was there this time I was fun and all the junk I have been carrying was gone. I was me, funny, loveable, a little sarcastic and raw, me. I felt hopeful and happy. It was so nice. I was a little afraid of coming home, like all the junk would just re-attach itself to me. The junk is trying to jump on board, all the hard responsibilities of life like illness, bills, new job, and so forth. But I am feeling grace. Steady grace. I am not freaking out, I am doing okay. I don't know if I am totally on, but I am at least awake. God is good.
Oh and I saw a really good movie this weekend, Curse of the Golden Flower. It's a Chinese movie with amazing cinematography and a really interesting but true storyline. I hate paying $9 for a movie, and don't think any movie is worth $9, but if you are wanting to go to the movies and are going to spend the $9 see this one, mostly becaue seeing it on the big screne will heighten the experience, and show off how beautiful this movie is.

How I cut my toe getting a pedicure

2007-01-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

I drove to Nashville, mostly because I like having my car when I am there. I drove for 9 1/2 hours, got there got dressed and went to my friend's bachelorette party. I then drove everyone home because I was sober. I was up for close to 24 hours. So the next day I met with my friend and the two other bridesmaids for our bridesmaid luncheon, it was super fancy and yummy. We then went to the fanciest nail salon in all of Nashville, it's where all the famous people go. So we were all getting pedicures, and I was relaxing in the leather chair with massagers, very nice as my feet were bathing in the little whirlpool and the nice asian lady was making my feet look pretty. Well I kept sliding down on the chair, I was trying to use my upper body to push my self up but it wasn't working. So I put my feet down in the tub, and pushed myself up, well I slipped and one of my toes went into the jets of the whirlpool. I know you are cringing right now. I didn't scream or cry, but when the lady lifted my toe she about freaked out because blood was gushing out all over, it looked like I cut my foot off. My friend (the bride to be) was sitting next to me and she looked over and yelled to the lady doing my feet "what happened" or something like that I don't really remember, but the lady said " I no do it, I no do it" I explained that it was all me. The nail lady was trying hard to stop the bleading, she did manage to get it too clot. It was super gross, and the best part was she painted the toe red like all the others, so it looked like she spilt a bottle of red nail polish on my toe. Because of the lack of sleep and loss of blood I and my friend Banning found this to be hillarious and laughed silly. I wabbled the rest of the weekend.
Yeah, I am always good for one embarrising crazy story a month. We were toasting and roasting my friend Kristina and her husband Jason at their rehersal dinner, and no one could think of any embarrising stories about Kris, and after I told her all of our stories are me doing something stupid and she reasuring me that no one noticed, or it's not that big a deal, or wabbling is cute.
I am just proud to provide entertainment to all.

I'm Back

2007-01-04T15:23:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a while since I posted. Christmas was very nice, it was my first Christmas as an Aunt and that was a lot of fun. Maya got lots of sweet kisses from me. After Christmas I went to Nashville for one of my dearest friends weddings. I stood up in it and wore a pretty red dress, I felt like a southern belle. I will have to post pics as soon as I have them. My Nashville trip was non stop, exhausting and super fun. I have some really good stories like how I almost cut my toe of getting a pedicure, oh and hillbillie Christians that live in the woods party a lot different that us city slickers, fun times though. It was a great trip, I made new friends and got to love on my old ones. It was hard coming home.
Oh I started a new job yesterday, more news on that too follow as well. I have to go study and am exhausted from the crazy week, but there will be another post soon, promise.